sakura no aji
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: (Tokyo Babylon and X1999) Subaru recalls the taste of 'life', a gift that Seishirou had given him inside his memories.


**fandom: Tokyo Babylon/X  
title: sakura no aji.  
pairing: Seishirou + Subaru  
rating: pg-13  
description – Subaru recalls the taste of 'life', a gift that Seishirou had given him inside his memories.**

 **Disclaimer - Tokyo Babylon, X and Gravi aren't mine.**

 **sakura no aji. (the taste of sakura.)**  
 **By miyamoto yui**

"Where do I go?" I looked left and right as I exited the train station with one hand in my beige jacket pocket and the other on the handle of my bag.

As I was going from one worksite to another, I took a detour. I didn't want to go home even though it was close by and time to do so. After all, there was nothing for me there. There was no one to greet me when I left and nor would there be anyone there when I returned.  
So, after buying a book from the bookstore, I slowed down and looked at my watch, waiting for my next appointment. My stomach growled to remind me that I had to eat once in a while in between my busy schedule and so I went into a café.  
I didn't know what to order. I didn't like coffee very much, but I ordered what I used to when I was with you. I got a café cappuccino and on a whim, as the young waiter was about to go off, I added, "Toast too, please."  
He smiled at me and nodded politely. Shouting to the back, he said, "Café Cappuccino and Toast!"

Taking out a notebook from my thin, black bag, I wrote some random things inside of it I listened to the song playing in the background through the speakers. Maybe it was a sign. "Kikoeru ka?", the Nittle Grapser song played and I laughed in spite of myself. Writing and writing, the boy came back with my cappuccino. It was just the right temperature. I didn't bother to put in any sugar like I used to.

After a few minutes, my toast came and I put my pen down and wiped my hands with the wet towel to start eating. The two packs of jam, gold and red, were faced upside down. I didn't usually like to have jam, but I was curious as to what flavors they were.  
The first one was strawberry. I already decided to eat that since strawberry was my favorite fruit…

…until I turned over the golden one.

Marmalade.

I held it for a moment in between my fingers and smiled widely. Sorrowfully.

"Marmalade." I found myself whispering to myself, as if I was going to cry.

 _After hearing that song about Marmalade on the radio, you commented from your workstation, "Now that's something I haven't tried: Marmalade jam."  
You looked at me above your glasses and smirked at me as I took a sip of the tea you'd just given me, wondering why Hokuto left me alone with him so early in the morning.  
"Um. Okay," I replied. How could one get so excited for food?  
"Let's go eat breakfast together."_

 _I opened my eyes widely. It was the first time you ever asked me so bluntly to go somewhere with you._

 _Before I knew it, I was being dragged to the nearest breakfast restaurant. I ordered an omelet and you were so excited just to eat toasted bread. I didn't like bread very much then._  
 _Actually, I didn't really care for food at all until I met you._

 _At the moment, you scanned around for the jam at the side of the restaurant. Without shame, you came back with the whole bottle. I blinked at you._

 _Strangely, it made my heart feel a little tickled._

 _Then, at that moment, you took out the knife and dipped it in and spread it lightly over your buttered toast._

 _Intensely, your eyes stared at mine so intently before closing them to savor the taste of butter and your jam. With the knife shamelessly inside the jar of jam, you opened your eyes. You gave an inquisitive look as your first reaction._

 _"Tart. But good."_

 _You gestured with the bitten part towards my direction, "Want some?"_

 _I laughed and shook my head. "I don't like jam."_  
 _"You'll have to learn to eat a variety of things. You can't buy happiness, but eating's the closest thing to it! Someday, you'll see."_

And years later after that, in another city, I remembered that memory and decided to eat my toast with marmalade. Finally.  
I smiled to myself because I had the same exact reaction as yours and I precisely recaptured you inside my head: The enthusiasm inside your eyes watching mine before you took that bite.

Even here, were you following me? Was I still following you? Was I still looking for you when I was alone?  
Why was it that whenever I was served jam or jelly wherever I went in this city, it's always marmalade?!

Only today did I bother to taste it.

And not to long after it…

 _She kneeled before me with her hands over mine, tears going down her face. I couldn't look at her, going into reality with her by my side and out of consciousness with that scene of him standing before me replaying over and over like an old movie strip._  
 _She kept on asking questions that I couldn't answer aloud, but she knew…_  
 _"Do you love that place so much that you can leave me behind?"_

 _ **I did it for both of us.**_

 _Her hand tightens over mine. "Won't you come back?"_

 _ **Eventually, but not now.  
I love that park so much, the only place in the world that took care of me.  
**_  
 _"Do you love that person so much you'll stay here?"_

 _A tear goes down my cheek._

 _ **As long as I'll see him over and over, I want to be reborn in the world where this person lives.**_

 _ **It is the only time I feel 'alive'.**_

 _"How long will you stay there?"_  
 _Another tear goes down hers._

 _ **As long as I can, of my own will, the only thing I believed in this world. I may not be the strongest person in the world, but he gave me a strength that I didn't know I had.  
I'm sorry…**_

 _ **Is that all I'll do? Silently apologize?**_

Isn't that why you tried to save me as much as you could?

Without opening the strawberry jam, I just spread the rest of the marmalade one all over my second piece of toast and nodded my head, sipping the rest of my cappuccino.  
Quickly, I packed and got up to leave for my next appointment.

Going down the hill under a moonless night, your favorite song, "Instinct" played inside my md player and I lick my lips for traces of marmalade that may have still been left.

What was the point of saving me at Rainbow Bridge if you weren't here?

I stopped and looked up. There were branches of sakura hanging over me. One fell and I tried so hard to catch it in my left hand. I brought it to my lips.

Smelling that soft essence, I put the petal between my lips: A symbol of my sadness and my joy encompassed into one.

It's an awesomely beautiful flower, but with such a bitter taste, especially eaten with something sweet to make the contrast even more sharp.

I must continue to live for the three of us…

I could feel tears inside of me though they could no longer fall down my face. I smiled at this peaceful pain…

The pale, light taste of sakura lingered in my mouth like the day you told me the truth.

 _"If there is ever a time we must part…" You didn't finish your sentence. You reached up to the national treasure of our country and touched its branches for me, free in public view._  
 _The petals fell around me._

 _I stared at you as you looked away from me._

 _"You'll make sure you're always with me. Isn't that what you're trying to tell me?" I silently said with my calm, admiring gaze._

 _I waited for you, but you didn't answer me._

 _Disappointed, I looked down as all the festivities continuing around us, the singing of enka and all the drinking on the blue mats that made picture taking horrendous._

 _You picked up a single flower and held it in your hand._

 _That moment you were about to be scolded by Ueno Park's caretakers, you took my hand and we ran to the train station. When we walked back to your apartment, I was about to turn around to leave when you said you needed to give me something._

 _I went inside the apartment, closing the door behind me. Taking a step forward, you suddenly turned around and put your cold hands onto my neck and suddenly leaned forward to kiss me, pressing my head to the door with a small 'click'._  
 _I held my breath as you pushed something into my tongue. I swallowed it and looked at you in alarm._

 _The taste suddenly burst through when you pulled away. Your hands pushed against the door on the sides of my neck. You leaned forward and whispered one single word,_

 _"Yes."_

 _I closed my eyes as a brush of earth and flower went through my tongue and pulsated throughout my body._

 _Alive._

 _That was the moment somewhere through your disconnected actions and words, I had penetrated something that you closed off many years before you met me._  
 _'Love' could only describe the surface of our connection._

 _It was the instant I knew the "Flavor of Life"._

I continued to walk on with the wind making the sakura dance around me. And it made me go back to those days that I knew would never come back.

But when the weather was a bit warm and a tender breeze blew through like that day you reached out to the branches, I was there all over again.

And I missed you even more helplessly than I already did.

Every day,  
in between the intense sadness and the inexplicable happiness,  
I was glad to finally be

alive

because of you.

 **Owari./The End.  
**

3/26/2008 9:59:03 AM – LA  
3/27/08 1:59AM - Tokyo


End file.
